Conditions: Fact or excuse?

Yesterday was spent at Chapel Head Scar with the Sex Pest and his better half. They had implemented "Grandparent Creche Facilities Scheme 1" whereas I had the boy Lard in tow. On arrival there was significant evidence of dampness but SP dazzled us all with a party piece ascent of Wargames in the rain, my hero swooon....
After that we all took place beneath our respective aims for the day, intermingled with Lard entertainment. It was a very pleasant day out but success was somewhat thin on the ground. Sam snatched defeat from the jaws of victory by foot slipping after the last of the bouldery moves on the start of Wargames. SP was Calling Mr Hall but nobody was answering. He managed all the moves and did a pretty major link as his last effort of the day but nothing was tied up, put to bed, satched or whatever is the current vogue term for the opposite of failing. I worked Surfing With The Alien some more, got the move that I struggled with last time. A high hold was wet but I convinced myself that I could climb through that, hmmmm... Anyway at the end of the day I decided to go for a redpoint and it went badly. The crux move is near the start and it felt impossible. Whats going on? How can a move which I'd done earlier in the day and, whilst it was a stiff pull, it wasn't the total living end suddenly feel impossible? I dogged up to the top and then found I couldn't do the last move, and it's and easy move. I'd done it a few time easrlier in the day without any hint of falling and now I couldn't imagine holding the key right sidepull. What? Conditions. The air felt very still and close and I imagine humidity was high. It rendered, for me, the route completely unclimbable. WHich is frustrating, again. Anyway there you go Conditions is F A C T.

Still a great piece of rock, I shall be back...

Perfect alignment happens rarely.

And it didn't happen yesterday. The plan was a Kilnsey day with the Guru. I had one aim which was A Smarter Martyr, Guru's new(ish) route from last year, or was it this year? I forget and I digress. Anyway, SYKE was high, the evening before I was feeling confident. I've committed all the moves to memory and had worked through the sequence in my head, there was no reason why CRUSH could not be engaged. And then I woke up Thursday morning to drizzle, low cloud, humidity and disturbed bowels. I won't dwell on the latter of these items, suffice it to say that as an ongoing affliction in my life IBS (or is it IBD nowadays?) has shitty (see what I did there?) timing. As for the other de-SYKEing items, the British weather is nothing if not dependable in it's undependability.
Anyway I set off for Kilnsey and on arrival was somewhat heartened to find that the crag was not fully condensation ridden as I expected but actually looked pretty dry and it was quite cool. Maybe things would be alright, I still felt bloated but that was only one factor of many, and surely I had enough of a buffer of success to overcome this? Or maybe a big fart would help??
Anyway Guru and Sean arrived and we chatted, they warmed up and the sun came out. Horror of horrors the temperature ramped up and conditions went to hell in a handcart. The climbing felt desperate, the holds were as I remembered, but just covered in a layer of damp slime (or that's how it felt). I pretty quickly binned the idea of redpointing my aim, and shortly after the Guru did likewise with his. Then in a flash of hopeless optimism I had another blast and failed horribly, yeuch, 'twas grim. Sean was working Biological so I also had a quick play on that inbetween times, nice climbing but a bit long to have any serious appeal to me right now. Anyway then I had to head home for family duty so left Sean and the Guru to CRUSH. Which it appears they did in fine style, Sean getting Biological and Guru rapidly dispatching Private Practice. Nice ones chaps.
Yet again I feel thwarted by my small time windows at the wrong time of day. I'd guess conditions improved as the day went on but staying wasn't an option for me. This is increasingly frustrating as I should have done this route by now (along with several others) but all the required factors are failing to align. I guess it's just part and parcel of being a person living in an imperfect world. Still grates though.
Then Thursday evening G-lank and Pasty came round for a brew and a board session. G demonstrated his immaculate as ever footwork to Pasty. Pasty seemed to take it all on board very quickly and was some emulating G's crisp accurate style. Apparently the footholds are all greasy...
Anyway Pasty was looking pretty strong, I've never seen him on a steep(ish) board before and despite his protestations of weakness he seemed to be pulling on some pretty poor holds. G mostly complained but again was looking strong on the steepness. It's just a shame he's so fat.
Anyway we had quite a long session, if quite low key, and didn't finish until half-ten. So quite a lot of climbing done, which is good, but nothing ticked again. Sounds like I might be of to Chapel Head again at the weekend so maybe some good will come of that...

Come on hips do your stuff...

Bank holiday Monday was spent at Burbage South boulders with the Font Twenty Ten massive. I was mainly herding but had a swift trog up to the edge with G-lank to declare the Rib impossible for the short and stiff hipped in warm conditions blah blah bleurgh...
Not a lot during the week, one board session on Friday night. Saturday spent herding whilst the boss crushed Shipley, oh yeah.
Sunday I went to Chapel Head Scar on a gooseberry invite with the sex-pest and his family. I took the boy lard and a ready supply of fodder and diggers and a grand day out was had. Even the Guru turned up. Sex-pest redpointed Prime Evil, Guru flashed it (and everything else it seemed, he really is going a bit too well right now). Sam was looking strong on Wargames (which looks epic, powerful start then it goes on forever and ever and ever). SP had a play on Mr Hall but made it look a bit hard (but very good), something to look at next time mayhaps? The chaps were digging a mighty hole. All was well. I had a dabble on Surfing With The Alien and got a workable sequence but for one move where old man hips put pay to success. I tried doing some stretches but everyone laughed at me so I went and dug a hole with the chaps. It's a great venue with brilliant rock so I'm very keen to return at some (not too distant) point. Obviously not until I have indulged in some more stretching (away from prying eyes this time). Righty-ho I'm off to not touch my toes...

Enviromental Climber

Friday evening I decided to go out for a run. I took the boy Lard up to bed, we read "A Dose Of Doctor Dog" three times and then there was a request for a story "about a train crushing two old ladies who were crossing the tracks too slowly", sometimes I worry about what I've created. I instead offered a story about an old lady who helped a dog find his lost ball, Lard wasn't impressed but it bored him enough to induce sleep. So in preparation for my run I donned my skimpiest shorts and a t-shirt, set the stopwatch running and then hit the road. It was pretty cold but I figured that I'd soon warm up what with all the running and such like, oh what sort of fool am I...
The plan was to run round the park, I'd worked out a circuit of the park was just over 1k so five laps plus the short run to and from the park would end up at about 5.5k-ish. Good plan, nay great plan. Were it not for a couple of small complicating factors. I'd forgotten to allow for the fact that 8pm Summer Friday evenings parks are populated by teenagers, lots of teenagers. So I enter the park, a quick scan of my surroundings yields wall-to-wall cool teenagers lolloping along, cruising on bikes and generally looking cool and young. No worries, I'll blast past them as a streak of grey (hair and clothing) and white (skin and footwear), they'll be impressed, oh yes no doubt. And they probably were. Unfortunately I had forgotten to allow for the fact that bodies of my vintage are prone to random acts of self-sabotage, which is why a hundred metres past the cool kids I pulled up with a calf strain. So here I am at the furthest point from my house, in a park full of cool kids, hobbling along, not even warmed up, shivering, wearing shorts that leave less to the imagination than anyone would desire with a collection of youths - that I have just run past- gaining on me rapidly. They overtook me and, despite my complete humiliation, the earth failed to open up and swallow me.

Saturday we hatched a plan of a day-trip to Wales, bouldering in the pass and then ice-cream, fish and chips and culture in Llandudno. Three hours drive to get to the pass, it's raining, blowing a gale and fucking freezing. Five minutes on Jerry's Roof before a family vote (2-1) in favour of escape to a cafe. Then on to Llandudno for a cream tea (controversially served pre-jammed and creamed and lidded!) then an ice-cream for lard, then fish and chips (with a bit of sandcastle building and pier walking inbetween times). And suddenly it's half six and time to head home. Get home and have a brew, a twelve hour day and six hours driving for five minutes working one problem. Unlike Keith I'd have to say it probably isn't worth it...
I was actually impressed with the pass, if not the weather, I'd be keen to return. But next time I think I'd want more bang for my environmental buck.

Should I Tri Harder?

Last week I was away on "holiday" with the in-laws. Holiday only in the sense that I wasn't at home, but in terms of a relaxing week away from stress it was an epic fail. God the in-laws are slow, and their extended family (that were also with us) are even slower. Never have my days been so filled with doing nothing, and when we did do something it was invariably sauntering round a Bakewell-esque town visiting tedious shop after tedious shop or handing over vast sums of money to look round a building which looks, in broad terms, exactly the same as the building we looked round yesterday. And even more gallingly is broadly the same as any number of NT properties that I can visit for free. A great holiday.
Anyway I managed to sneak out for a Cornice session with Guru. I failed to redpoint That Was The Sea and he made Ouijaboard look very hard, but did at least manage to tick it. In a strange reversal of fortunes it was the Guru who was time limited and we beat a hasty retreat.
I also managed an early morning run one day and got a PB time, which I wasn't expecting because I felt awful and heavy and slow whilst running. Anyway 5k in 22mins 17s, which gives an average of about 13.5kph.
Then on the way home I stopped at my dads for a couple of days and managed to get out for another run, 5.6k this time in 24min dead. Average speed of 14kph, which gives a 5k time of just under twenty-one and a half minutes, so getting close to the 21min target.
Since getting back home I haven't climbed, or run but have been swimming again. I felt very tired and my legs were strangely sore. I did another 8 minute 16 lengths breast stroke. I then tried to refine my crawl technique by doing short two length sprints. I managed a series of sprints of between 40 and 45 seconds. To be honest it was a pretty poor session, I was having issues with contact lenses and goggles which were really distracting. It's frustrating when things like this are the cause of disruption as I'm not sure I can really pin down what was wrong. It would be annoying to have a contact lens that feels wrong on race day and yet it seems I can't really do anything about it. Hmmm...
Anyway as has become apparent my climbing frequency has taken a bit of a hit, I'm hoping this is down to summer holiday based busyness but I fear that tri training may be a significant factor. And this is without any bike work (still not sorted a bike out) which will probably be the event that will need the most work, and take the most time. So I need to decide whether I just want to turn up for this tri and just get round the course in any time or do I want to give it a decent go and try and post a respectable time? I'm still thinking the latter, but climbing goals need ticking too.

Back in the pool

Doing lengths after a break of approximately 17 years. The local pool was surprisingly busy. There were lanes for people who looked serious and intense, one lane with a few people swimming quite slowly while looking grumpy and one lane with two people swimming pretty quickly whilst looking like they'd managed to trap an intimate part of their anatomy painfully amongst the gussetry of their high performance swimwear. I decided to steer clear of the lane swimming to start with, as I had no understanding of the protocols and unwritten rules that were seemingly hardwired into all the other pool users at birth. So instead I did battle with the middle-aged-overweight-doing-something-to-tone-up-supposedly-but-in-reality-just-looking-for-a-guilt-free-way-to-badmouth-my-consistently-disappointing-husband-to-my-equally-chunky-chums-under-the-guise-of-exercise-women. Which was nice. The trouble with the larger lady in the pool environment is their propensity to occupy a sizeable area of real estate, and a large collection of large ladies well you get the picture. Anyway this is serious swim training for a serious attempt at a serious triathlon so breast stroke it is right? The distance required is 16 (although maybe 17?) lengths of the pool. My first attempt including a couple of evasive manoeuvres the odd slow length tailgating and a scary moment when I was forced to stop by a group of menopausals comparing bingo wings was 8 minutes. I then went into the lanes for a go at front crawl, I managed four lengths in 1 min 40 before the intensity of the situation was too much for me and I fled to the free swim area. I think with a bit of work I should be able to get the swim down to low-ish 6 minutes.
So for two of the events I've got a rough baseline and I've also developed targets:
Swim 400m* - Current 8min - Target 6min 20
Run 5k** - Current 24min(ish) - Target sub 21min

*It might be 420m in the actual event but hey-ho
**I think the Tri distance is 7k, so I need to work those times up a bit once I've devised a suitable 7k route

Now this just leaves the bike. Now I've never ridden a road bike, ever. I don't even own a bike of any kind. So if any kindly soul has a spare/broken/unwanted road bike (or part thereof) that they are desperate to get cleared out of the garage/shed/hallway then (assuming it would be of an appropriate size for a stump, something 48-50cm I guess from my know nothing perspective??) I'll help you find it a home with pleasure.

Ascent Of Man

After claiming that my legs didn't feel sore post run I spent the next two days stumbling round with legs that wouldn't work properly due to extreme muscle soreness. Hardly surprising given my complete lack of running based exercise for the last ummmmm, well many years.
Anyway Sunday 1st I went out with Doug and had a decent session. A couple of top-ropes (tut-tut) and several goes on a training traverse. All pretty long and relentlessly steep(ish) so hopefully will have some positive stamina/recovery type outcome?
Then on Tuesday evening I'd arranged to go out with Doug again, however his daughter got into an entanglement with a jellyfish (Man 'O War apparently!!) during the day with meant a family trip to A&E for the Halls so instead I took the wife to boulder at Laxey. This plan was less than ideal as we didn't have a bouldering mat and the pebbly landings rapidly get uncomfortable as height is gained (or more accurately lost). Anyway had a nice evening in the sun but no great shakes in crush terms. Although a new project line was discovered, one I'd discounted as impossible previously. Now it appears to just be ludicrously hard. I was also surprised to see chalk on the problems when we arrived, it would seem there is a secret army of boulderers on the Isle of Man...
Wednesday saw the family Hall suitably recovered allowing Doug an evening out. We went to the only sport crag on the island. I've been here once before when conditions were very poor and was keen to revisit. This is my favourite crag on the island, it is really actually very good. But it definitely isn't your standard sport crag. For a start the walk-in is epic, involving very steep grass slopes and coasteering to leave you on a small ledge to the side of the crag. You then climb out above the sea. The position is brilliant and the climbing is excellent, there is only one warm up, one route and one project here right now but there is no shortage of potential. I might have to head back to the island quite soon.
Friday I went for another run, this one slightly longer (5km 250m apparently) and also slightly faster (24min 14s) giving an average speed of 13km/h or so.
Sunday went bouldering at Peel with the missus, this time we'd managed to blag a mat which made for a better session. Spent most of the time devising problems for her ladyship on the eliminates wall but did managed to come up with a couple of new fingery up problems and a wicked slopey traverse. All of them are completely eliminate and silly training type things.
Anyway home again now, probably not going to b out this week due to work and then next week I'm off for a family trip to Matlock for a week, hopefully I'll be able to get out for a couple of sessions.