Enviromental Climber

Friday evening I decided to go out for a run. I took the boy Lard up to bed, we read "A Dose Of Doctor Dog" three times and then there was a request for a story "about a train crushing two old ladies who were crossing the tracks too slowly", sometimes I worry about what I've created. I instead offered a story about an old lady who helped a dog find his lost ball, Lard wasn't impressed but it bored him enough to induce sleep. So in preparation for my run I donned my skimpiest shorts and a t-shirt, set the stopwatch running and then hit the road. It was pretty cold but I figured that I'd soon warm up what with all the running and such like, oh what sort of fool am I...
The plan was to run round the park, I'd worked out a circuit of the park was just over 1k so five laps plus the short run to and from the park would end up at about 5.5k-ish. Good plan, nay great plan. Were it not for a couple of small complicating factors. I'd forgotten to allow for the fact that 8pm Summer Friday evenings parks are populated by teenagers, lots of teenagers. So I enter the park, a quick scan of my surroundings yields wall-to-wall cool teenagers lolloping along, cruising on bikes and generally looking cool and young. No worries, I'll blast past them as a streak of grey (hair and clothing) and white (skin and footwear), they'll be impressed, oh yes no doubt. And they probably were. Unfortunately I had forgotten to allow for the fact that bodies of my vintage are prone to random acts of self-sabotage, which is why a hundred metres past the cool kids I pulled up with a calf strain. So here I am at the furthest point from my house, in a park full of cool kids, hobbling along, not even warmed up, shivering, wearing shorts that leave less to the imagination than anyone would desire with a collection of youths - that I have just run past- gaining on me rapidly. They overtook me and, despite my complete humiliation, the earth failed to open up and swallow me.

Saturday we hatched a plan of a day-trip to Wales, bouldering in the pass and then ice-cream, fish and chips and culture in Llandudno. Three hours drive to get to the pass, it's raining, blowing a gale and fucking freezing. Five minutes on Jerry's Roof before a family vote (2-1) in favour of escape to a cafe. Then on to Llandudno for a cream tea (controversially served pre-jammed and creamed and lidded!) then an ice-cream for lard, then fish and chips (with a bit of sandcastle building and pier walking inbetween times). And suddenly it's half six and time to head home. Get home and have a brew, a twelve hour day and six hours driving for five minutes working one problem. Unlike Keith I'd have to say it probably isn't worth it...
I was actually impressed with the pass, if not the weather, I'd be keen to return. But next time I think I'd want more bang for my environmental buck.

Should I Tri Harder?

Last week I was away on "holiday" with the in-laws. Holiday only in the sense that I wasn't at home, but in terms of a relaxing week away from stress it was an epic fail. God the in-laws are slow, and their extended family (that were also with us) are even slower. Never have my days been so filled with doing nothing, and when we did do something it was invariably sauntering round a Bakewell-esque town visiting tedious shop after tedious shop or handing over vast sums of money to look round a building which looks, in broad terms, exactly the same as the building we looked round yesterday. And even more gallingly is broadly the same as any number of NT properties that I can visit for free. A great holiday.
Anyway I managed to sneak out for a Cornice session with Guru. I failed to redpoint That Was The Sea and he made Ouijaboard look very hard, but did at least manage to tick it. In a strange reversal of fortunes it was the Guru who was time limited and we beat a hasty retreat.
I also managed an early morning run one day and got a PB time, which I wasn't expecting because I felt awful and heavy and slow whilst running. Anyway 5k in 22mins 17s, which gives an average of about 13.5kph.
Then on the way home I stopped at my dads for a couple of days and managed to get out for another run, 5.6k this time in 24min dead. Average speed of 14kph, which gives a 5k time of just under twenty-one and a half minutes, so getting close to the 21min target.
Since getting back home I haven't climbed, or run but have been swimming again. I felt very tired and my legs were strangely sore. I did another 8 minute 16 lengths breast stroke. I then tried to refine my crawl technique by doing short two length sprints. I managed a series of sprints of between 40 and 45 seconds. To be honest it was a pretty poor session, I was having issues with contact lenses and goggles which were really distracting. It's frustrating when things like this are the cause of disruption as I'm not sure I can really pin down what was wrong. It would be annoying to have a contact lens that feels wrong on race day and yet it seems I can't really do anything about it. Hmmm...
Anyway as has become apparent my climbing frequency has taken a bit of a hit, I'm hoping this is down to summer holiday based busyness but I fear that tri training may be a significant factor. And this is without any bike work (still not sorted a bike out) which will probably be the event that will need the most work, and take the most time. So I need to decide whether I just want to turn up for this tri and just get round the course in any time or do I want to give it a decent go and try and post a respectable time? I'm still thinking the latter, but climbing goals need ticking too.

Back in the pool

Doing lengths after a break of approximately 17 years. The local pool was surprisingly busy. There were lanes for people who looked serious and intense, one lane with a few people swimming quite slowly while looking grumpy and one lane with two people swimming pretty quickly whilst looking like they'd managed to trap an intimate part of their anatomy painfully amongst the gussetry of their high performance swimwear. I decided to steer clear of the lane swimming to start with, as I had no understanding of the protocols and unwritten rules that were seemingly hardwired into all the other pool users at birth. So instead I did battle with the middle-aged-overweight-doing-something-to-tone-up-supposedly-but-in-reality-just-looking-for-a-guilt-free-way-to-badmouth-my-consistently-disappointing-husband-to-my-equally-chunky-chums-under-the-guise-of-exercise-women. Which was nice. The trouble with the larger lady in the pool environment is their propensity to occupy a sizeable area of real estate, and a large collection of large ladies well you get the picture. Anyway this is serious swim training for a serious attempt at a serious triathlon so breast stroke it is right? The distance required is 16 (although maybe 17?) lengths of the pool. My first attempt including a couple of evasive manoeuvres the odd slow length tailgating and a scary moment when I was forced to stop by a group of menopausals comparing bingo wings was 8 minutes. I then went into the lanes for a go at front crawl, I managed four lengths in 1 min 40 before the intensity of the situation was too much for me and I fled to the free swim area. I think with a bit of work I should be able to get the swim down to low-ish 6 minutes.
So for two of the events I've got a rough baseline and I've also developed targets:
Swim 400m* - Current 8min - Target 6min 20
Run 5k** - Current 24min(ish) - Target sub 21min

*It might be 420m in the actual event but hey-ho
**I think the Tri distance is 7k, so I need to work those times up a bit once I've devised a suitable 7k route

Now this just leaves the bike. Now I've never ridden a road bike, ever. I don't even own a bike of any kind. So if any kindly soul has a spare/broken/unwanted road bike (or part thereof) that they are desperate to get cleared out of the garage/shed/hallway then (assuming it would be of an appropriate size for a stump, something 48-50cm I guess from my know nothing perspective??) I'll help you find it a home with pleasure.

Ascent Of Man

After claiming that my legs didn't feel sore post run I spent the next two days stumbling round with legs that wouldn't work properly due to extreme muscle soreness. Hardly surprising given my complete lack of running based exercise for the last ummmmm, well many years.
Anyway Sunday 1st I went out with Doug and had a decent session. A couple of top-ropes (tut-tut) and several goes on a training traverse. All pretty long and relentlessly steep(ish) so hopefully will have some positive stamina/recovery type outcome?
Then on Tuesday evening I'd arranged to go out with Doug again, however his daughter got into an entanglement with a jellyfish (Man 'O War apparently!!) during the day with meant a family trip to A&E for the Halls so instead I took the wife to boulder at Laxey. This plan was less than ideal as we didn't have a bouldering mat and the pebbly landings rapidly get uncomfortable as height is gained (or more accurately lost). Anyway had a nice evening in the sun but no great shakes in crush terms. Although a new project line was discovered, one I'd discounted as impossible previously. Now it appears to just be ludicrously hard. I was also surprised to see chalk on the problems when we arrived, it would seem there is a secret army of boulderers on the Isle of Man...
Wednesday saw the family Hall suitably recovered allowing Doug an evening out. We went to the only sport crag on the island. I've been here once before when conditions were very poor and was keen to revisit. This is my favourite crag on the island, it is really actually very good. But it definitely isn't your standard sport crag. For a start the walk-in is epic, involving very steep grass slopes and coasteering to leave you on a small ledge to the side of the crag. You then climb out above the sea. The position is brilliant and the climbing is excellent, there is only one warm up, one route and one project here right now but there is no shortage of potential. I might have to head back to the island quite soon.
Friday I went for another run, this one slightly longer (5km 250m apparently) and also slightly faster (24min 14s) giving an average speed of 13km/h or so.
Sunday went bouldering at Peel with the missus, this time we'd managed to blag a mat which made for a better session. Spent most of the time devising problems for her ladyship on the eliminates wall but did managed to come up with a couple of new fingery up problems and a wicked slopey traverse. All of them are completely eliminate and silly training type things.
Anyway home again now, probably not going to b out this week due to work and then next week I'm off for a family trip to Matlock for a week, hopefully I'll be able to get out for a couple of sessions.

Laying Down A Marker

I've agreed to attempt the Hathersage Hilly triathlon next year. I don't own a bike or any associated equipment. My only swimming clothing is a voluminous pair of shorts and until yesterday I didn't own any running footwear. So this is obviously going to be a complete farce.
Anyway yesterday I went to our local cheapo emporium TX Factory Max Shop or something and spent the princely sum of £10 on a pair of the finest running shoes. They might last a week. Anyway after visiting the shops the family packed up and headed off to the Isle of Man to spend some time with the in-laws. I decided to start my extensive training regime last night by undertaking an evening jog. I had a route in mind and using walkjogrun.net I discovered it was 5km, exactly the distance I was hoping for (actually it was 5km 30m and I don't know if it takes into account gradient etc but hey ho). Sadly the route was also a road course (not my preferred option) and really quite hilly (which is good from a training perspective but still...) Anyway I set off having told the wife that I was hoping for a time around 30 minutes but that I was probably less fit than I imagined and 40 minutes might be more realistic. I was most surprised to get round in 25 minutes dead. An average of 12km/h on a hilly course, reasonably happy with that. I imagine I'll get worse as time goes on...
Legs not feeling too sore this morning, which is surprising.
Ta-ta for now.

All different or all the same?

Trad, bouldering, sport. Three very different facets of the activity of climbing. And yet sometimes they fall so very close to one another. Like three adjacent sides of a cube, each distinct and separate and yet all meet at a point.
Earlier this week I went to Stronstrey to try a couple of possibly unclimbed lines with G-lah. Top-roping, working the moves like a sport route, but there only short so bouldering on a rope, but then on the sharp end it would definitely be bold trad. I'm not at the sharp end at this time, but with more work... Turning the trad into a sport boulder problem??
This morning was an early start, a very early start. To the Nook where a kindly soul had rebolted Lockless. Sadly climbing chums tend to be thin on the ground at half-seven Sunday morning so only Bammers had to suffer witness of my flailings. I conspired to work my way up Lockless on the shiny new bolts in a bizarre improvised self-belay system of dubious safety. The route is very short, very much a boulder problem, and it consists of a couple of slappy moves that I wanted to wire. So I got them sorted and then checked the top was steady away. Now what to do? I can climb the route, conditions are good, I feel pretty fresh considering the early hour. Hmmm... In the end this route is a boulder problem, so a solo is viable. I stick the mat at the bottom and solo up dragging a rope behind to lower off. A bit bo(u)lder than clipping the bolts, but also easier and quicker. A trade off that I'm comfortable with.
Then I bouldered out Theorea start, but it's pretty dirty and I can't be bothered messing around with the rope anymore so I trundle over to Dog Dinner Buttress for a brief dabble on the uber traverse before heading out past the arriving masses at the Cornice. Bammers has a bit of a mental on the way out and starts barking at some incoming sportsters, apologies if that was you.

Turning up the heat.

Crivens it's got warm! Since returning from the Isle of Man work has featured to a disappointingly large extent in my life however I have continued my somewhat unsuccessful sport climbing exploits with a smattering of bouldering. I've made a couple of trips to Kilnsey working a project but the weather has done me little favour. My window of free time is generally restricted to a few hours around midday, which is also the hottest part of the day.
This oppressive heat has been somewhat demotivating, to the extent that I'm considering bagging off trying the sport for a couple of months until conditions cool and instead trying to get some stamina, endurance, PE and power through other means...
Of course if I get an evening/early morning of freedom I'll sling the rope in the van and head for the bolted steepness.
Also visited Woodwell with G-lah. Had a dabble on Art Of Self Destruction and with a bit of G-guidance it started to feel like a goer instead of being deeply impossible. Nothing else of note happened on a bouldering tip but we went to the Wolf House for a cream tea post lacklustre performance (not that we deserved it) and they had sold out of scones!! Totally ruined my day I can tell you.
I'm now sat watching the tennis feeling somewhat sub-par, my wife (a teacher) has been kind enough to transmit some germs from one of her grubby little darlings as a little challenge for my old mans immune system. I imagine I won't make it through the night...